Almost Eroded

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It’s almost a month, since that moment i passed, those 10 days which made me stick to that moment so damn well. The last moment where Kak Rabina still teased me by Indonesian words which she taught Nut at the airport. That last moment when i hug Ali for the last time and we waved goodbye after the queues entered the boarding gate and told that we will meet again someday.

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Those 4 hours which made me and Vicky suffered of lost our food and we were only have 1000 Thailand bahts for travel.IMG_20150820_174542

After those 4 hours we finally separated and i was waiting for a cab to meet my parents at home. And everything showing up now, crystal, and i can even describe and tell stories about our whole 10 days activities in details , every bit of it.

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That night when we were watching the Beauty contest and laugh like crazy people. Or,

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Having yummy noodles at night which Darshan and Ali never tasted before; or, got tired of heard Kak Reni and Darshan sang Indian songs all night long. I still remember those smiles. When we believed that we had plenty of time to laugh together. Because we still have tomorrows.

I opened everything in my laptop, seeing photos from folders to folders, and i saw a video that we made at the last moment we saw kak Reni in Mahasarakham. The video which we sang “Kuch-Kuch Hotta hai” by using Ali’s camera and uploaded it through facebook. We seem soo happy!

And we said “We love you kak reni” for many of times. And that was the last chance we met each other in Mahasarakham. Even The sound of the downpour outside, i can still feel it.

And i am here now, typing in silence. I am tired, literally, tired after all day long accompanied our seniors who had their happy moment of graduation. Getting sunburn and tired of crowds. Shared smiles and greetings. But i still couldn’t forget everything, that’s why i never put many smiles on everybody. And felt my heart pounding outside my ribs and i was imagined the people who aren’t present in front of me.

I don’t know why it is so hard to move on. I mean, i almost losing what is real in me now. I don’t know why it can be very hard to forget everyone whom only you knew in 10 days. Probably because you have spent very good days with them. Or, the feeling that you probably will never see them again.

Personally i think 10 days were not enough, but it were really enough to get comfort to some friends, and you just craving for more days until you get bored hangout with them, so then you can get separated and keep in touch after that, or don’t remember each other at all.

Maybe i am just too over it. I mean, hey, maybe i am the only one who got stick to people while they’re probably have forgot about you. They just get back to their real-life, while i am still thinking about them somewhere. I just, i don’t know, i just feel that i can see vision while i am with them, like, it was really good to have someone whose dreams are big as yours. While at fact, you have the same ambition toward career and you just don’t afraid to fight for that.

I love to see how Kak Reni’s outgoing personality during the conference, who assisted me to many places to change my money, to find me place for prayers, or to find shop with halaal foods during in Thailand. I adore her and i always want to have that kind of personality, i mean, i am just put too much concern about what people think about me, i am just too afraid to look like a weird guy or something, because i found it hard to start a conversation with someone and i just don’t know how to do it.

I don’t have many friends, i don’t, i only have some of them, with me until today, start from the elementary, until the university, i don’t know why they decided to stay with me for so long, they knew my scars, they knew how it’s hard for me to control myself sometimes, i feel too deep to something, while it drives me crazy after all.

Before the camp was going, i always afraid what kind of people that i will encounter, some bad experiences changed me a lot into different person. That’s why i always intend to copy somebody’s personality. I was too afraid of being alone at the camp because i couldn’t find the right person. But they, prove me wrong.

I amazed how i saw Ali and Darshan at that time, at the last time we had the moment together, the closing night.

“Let our government fight, we are brothers.”

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And i can’t imagine how we could built that feeling in less than 10 days, i mean, i can saw how beautiful their brotherhood, regardless of what is happening with their countries. Their governments might hate each other but i don’t see it in them. They showed me something what I’ve never seen before. I love you guys.

I postponed this writing for a week since i decided to share this story. And now, even in a room which located at the 10th floor of 4 stars hotel. I still decided to write this story. I don’t know. I feel something that doesn’t feel right, and memory of meeting these people always appear in the first slot of my head and they just wont get away.

Maybe i’m just missing how warm my new Medan Family, how Mas Ozi lent me his shoes because i left pair of mine at the airport.

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or Doni’s random behavior during the camp, i remembered that night at the Karen’s village he swallowed the mosquito repellent and we laughed very loud.

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Or the time when we jumped over the fence in the village and we almost made ourselves injured. That was just a crazy little moment, there are many moments in my life which is bigger but it didn’t feel the same.

I still put my hope to meet these guys really soon, like, i always looking at that time where we can finally meet, but i’m just afraid that they will not remember me at all. Maybe i was forgotten already because they fall into their own businesses. While i’m still struggling to shape my own.

I just miss you guys a little bit. And you must be believe me that i was lied.

I don’t know how to make this feeling disappear, missing someone you wish to see but the fact that they’re not wishing to see you.IMG_20150831_010140

Or any other strange feeling that keeping you away from your own happiness. Then i will start to hate you guys. Haha. I’m kidding.

I just wish the best wishes for Kak Reni for your study, as well Kak Rabina, Mas Ozi, and Doni. The Indonesian family that i always want to spent my days a little bit longer in Thailand

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and made me miss the feeling of tasted som tum (even though i got intestinal problem after that, haha). The laughter, the so-random things to talk with you guys that made me so lucky become an Indonesian because i have so many good people like you. We promised to meet each other, right?

And i wish two of my brothers, who made me believed that i am loved without conditions. I know you guys are now struggling for the final year but i just wanted to say that i miss you guys really bad. Don’t know if you guys feel the same but i hope you guys are doing well.

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I hope after this i could forget the euphoria of GLC because i remember it all too well. Otherwise, everybody has got their own reality but i still stuck with the memories, how bad is that?

Ah,

Okay.

I will stop now, i hope you guys don’t laugh after see this, and indeed i made this on purpose. Because it starts to erode, so i want to make this story lasts forever. Or maybe, 2 years after this i can reopen my blog and realize that we were made a lot of memories in 10 days.

I just never expected to meet you guys, but i believe that we met in purpose. And it was all written in His storyline.
I sent you the warmest hello from faraway,

and a Good bye.

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18 thoughts on “Almost Eroded

  1. darshan

    Hey bhai u r doing emotional damage here…. lol I m not laughing hard but smiling in silence on our stupid actions and those happy moments… and haa in video I m looking like lead actor and others in supporting role……lol waah yaar those 10 Days are unforgettable experience of my life and you know that u r privilaged/honoured of being part of it ….haahahahaha

    Liked by 1 person

  2. T_T……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..
    ……………… *heavybreathing* ……………………………………….

    — — — — — —
    Fid.. Rafid….. i tell u this.. u’re not the only 1 that stuck in GLC memories brother 😦 … everytime my mind is empty / when i want to sleep.. i always remember things we’ve been through during the GLC… even the memories comes to my dream sometimes.. it makes me happy and sad of course.. coz i know it’s very nice to have a journey in MSU GLC 2015..
    You’re right.. we didn’t realize we’re making memories, we just knew we were having fun..

    It’s really nice post Rafid… thank you so much for sharing what you’ve thought, feel, experienced..

    Bro Rafid.. u need to remember that u are a good man, intelligent, active, and people loves u becoz of that..

    I hope we can meet again sooner or later Bro Rafid 🙂

    You are an inspiration to me bro..
    i’ve learn a lot from u Fid.. So..
    Don’t think i’m gonna forget about u lol..
    If only u remember.. who’s the guy that always left behind in GLC.. xD (The Abandoned One) When u guys wants to buy food and invite me.. i was so excited ^_^… but then i need to get something in my room (My Wallet) then i said.. wait for me brothers… so i get my wallet.. then.. when i go out.. i see nobody there…. i was like.. What the hell!!?? O_O”
    who’s kidnapping my friends… and u guys left me not only once huh…. 3 times! well yeah.. 3 times!!! HAhahaha… it’s so sad ;'(…..

    Well.. it all has been passed… i forgive u guys of what already happened to me before.. xD

    Keep fighting (Just like Bank said) for ur dreams..
    Don’t let reality control ur dreams, let ur dreams control ur reality 🙂

    Loves u as my brother.. 🙂

    *Time is like a river, u can’t touch the same water twice..
    So.. enjoy every moment in life.. ^_^

    Best Regards,
    Doni (/^_^)/

    Liked by 2 people

  3. lol, never knew you are a blogger bhai~ bruh~ gan~ bro~ fid~ 😀
    nice to know that though 😀

    hmmm,,,, its good for you to have these kind of feelings and emotions bro~
    that means you’re in it. you took part in it as a whole. and you connect with people there.
    its already one time in your life, not just somewhen in your life :p

    its the beauty of memories no??
    its painful to remember, but its also show happiness and pleasure… its a story that you can tell.,,,
    a story of your life 🙂
    the path of life that makes you who you are now.

    and the most important is the connection that you made to the others.
    i am really really thankful that you accept me and view me as a brother, even as a family 🙂

    keep the emotions and feelings Fid~ its yours~ and only yours~

    forgetting things is usual, no need to fuss over it too much 🙂
    and i dont believe our bond that we share and made is that weak to just vanish completely. 🙂
    you’ll remember it when you needed it. 🙂

    I, also think of you all, as my family, my brothers and sisters.
    i don’t really care how you feel, but thats what i accept and view you guys are. quite selfish here~ lol.

    treasure that feeling and emotion Rafid~
    treasure the memories and bond that are made~

    i am also very thankful to the Cambodians~ you guys are the best. Xing, Dara, Julin, Dom 😀
    especially Jeans, Hengty and Khun, i am really thankful for what you guys done in Karen village. and I hope that you guys forget what you’ve done then 😀
    Good things that we made should be remembered by the one we help. :p

    Special Thanks to kak Reni and bang Agung 😀
    hope you get along there :p (ciee… jgn berantem2 n jgn bandel2 khusus untuk kReni nya 😀 wkwkwkwk)
    hope you guys are healthy as ever and may success and happiness awaits nearby for you guys.

    really thankful to each and every person related to GLC, including the Eco Resorts Staff and Guides for the Karen Hill-tribe, the Karen Hill-tribe elders and community, the Driver of Buses and Jeeps, The Clerk at 7-11 (the top and most favored person and place of every GLCs participants), MSUs Staff and Lecturers, and
    especially all the participants (i dont want to mention one by one as this is Rafid’s blog, and i am too lazy to make my own blog of facebook)

    I treasure that feeling and emotion~
    I treasure the memories and bond that are made~
    you should too Rafid~ 🙂
    and be successful for all of what we have learn and done.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. vicky

    i cant stop crying while i read this. Damn, i feel the same, even worse i think. stuck until the end. just wanna go back. miss u all guys, altough u always teased me. i cant explain how hurt i am everytime i think about our togetherness, rafid, ozy, doni, rabina, julin and all.
    ‘the magic is not here no more, i remember it all too well”

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Rabina

    Panjang banget yang lain pada komen Aa’….kalo aku cuman mau bilang “u r not d only one lhaaaa…..”hehe i really want to express my feeling about u all guys but im not good at it. All i can say is love u all and thanks a lot, really, for being a gud family for me in thailand. Won’t forget u, rafid, and all.
    Keep in touch, keep be family yaaa. Kalo ke medan jangan sungkan give us a call. Pkoknya “aku rindu kamu” si Nutt. Hahahahahahahaha

    Liked by 1 person

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